So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
