i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
