my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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