There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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