There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
too bad you live with your parents still
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
