I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
