We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
