Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
