i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
