so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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