There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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