Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
