i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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