My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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