the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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