Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
