3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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