I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
