kristin has been a bad kristin
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
