i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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