Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
