do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
