Welp...herpes.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
