i think my tv is drunk
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
