Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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