omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
