she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
