your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
