woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
