id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Found your dick twin last night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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