Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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