How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
