Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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