Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
