Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
