Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
