Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
