I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
