I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
