the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
