I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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