I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
