ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
