you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
