alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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