I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
