When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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