Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
