my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
