I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
