I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
