my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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