Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
