dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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