so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
