Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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