sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
