just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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